This is how I feel at the end of the day
Mostly because I feel like a lot of my time and energy goes to this child.
And it is not always good time or energy that I give her.
I know all the text book "experts" say to just ignore your children when they push buttons, but I just have not figured out how to ignore button pushing. Sera seems to have a great talent in button pushing. I guess a more positive way to put it is she is persistent. I told her that one day her persistence would pay off, but when I say NO it means NO.
She wants to negotiate everything. Under normal circumstances I am just fine with a good negotiation, but not lately. Tonight for instance:
Earlier in the day I had purchased some cheap MP3 players ($20 dollar ones from Staples) for our upcoming trip out west. I had told the girls that while tucking in that if they wanted to be able to have said MP3 players they needed to stay in bed and go straight to sleep. If they got out of bed and talked they would lose being able to have an MP3 player and I would return it. They would not have an opportunity to earn it back. (Harsh, but I was desperate to finally get them to bed at a reasonable hour so I felt like I had to take dramatic measures.)
Emma's response "Okay Mom I will go straight to sleep because I want the MP3 player!"
Sera's response "Well how will you know if I don't go to sleep?"
After some explaining for Sera I felt assured from both Sera and Emma that they were going to make the choice to go straight to bed, and that they understood the consequences(good and bad) I finished tucking them in, I came downstairs to take a breath and within 2 minutes I hear pitter pattering from above. I felt my blood start to boil. Mostly because I wanted them to have fun with these new little music gadgets.
So I stomp upstairs like a big fat angry bear and swing open the door to find Sera over at Emma's bed and her eyes bulging out of her head as if to say "How did she know?"
Emma tries to explain but I quickly cut her off and in a very loud tone express my disappointment in the situation. I am not sure if Sera's feet ever touched the ground as she got back to her bed in record time. The explanations start coming. Sera supposedly "had a scary dream"
Me:"Tell me how you can have a scary dream within 2 minutes?"
Sera:" Can I earn back the MP3 player?"
Me: "Um, NO!"
Sera: "Why?"
Me: "Are you kidding? What did you hear me say?"
Sera: "Can I earn it back Mom please? I really want the MP3 player!"
Me: "WHAT DID YOU HEAR ME SAY!"
Sera: "We can't earn it back" pathetically crying at this point "But I had a scary dream!"
Me: "Sera you knew what the consequences were for staying in your bed and going straight to sleep, and you knew what the consequence was going to be if you chose not to do that, you made your choice already, I am done with this conversation, I strongly suggest that you close those eyes of yours and go to sleep!" My tone was extremely unpleasant, and I am sure my eyes were bulging out a bit.
I left the room feeling completely frustrated. WHY? Why did she make such a stupid choice? Did she really want to see if I would know if she didn't go straight to sleep. I wanted her to have that stupid MP3 player. Some people learn from others mistakes and then there are others who learn from making their own mistakes.
I come downstairs and a few minutes later I hear sup sups coming from the stairs. "Oh please, are you kidding me?" I tell myself. She really is a glutton for punishment.
She turns the corner prepared with a speech that you would have thought she had been preparing for the last week. After several minutes of debate she comes up with an idea. She asks if she can buy her own MP3 player.
I told her she was more that welcome to buy her own MP3 player. She then asked what she could do around the home to earn enough money to buy one. I told her that I would talk with her Dad and we would let her know. She then starts to give me ideas of her own, like if she scrubbed the bathroom floor. I then said "What did you hear me say?"
Her response "That you and Dad would talk about it. But why can't you discuss it with me?"
I told her because she was not my husband and that this was something her Dad and I get to discuss together before we talked with her.
She seemed satisfied. I then told her again that it would be in her best interest if she went back upstairs and go straight to bed.
After Jared got home later this evening, I was able to discuss with him what went on and how overwhelming this behavior is for me. She is a very quick thinker, and she wants to know all the details of everything. The why's of the details.
It was nice to be able to get Jared's feedback and how we can better help encourage her to take responsibility for the choices she make. We also talked about how important it will be for us to reassure her that we will love her unconditionally whatever choice she makes. And that it will be especially important to explain "stuff",however exhausting it may be, for her so she can have that information. That is what seems to be important to her. Knowing details.
So as exhausting as this child may be for me it is worth it. And even though at the end of some days I may feel like Goldie Hawn on the movie overboard(the part where she is saying blub, blub, blub over and over), because of Sera, I know that she is the one who is teaching me to endure to the end and I am slowly but surely learning to endure cheerfully!
She wants to negotiate everything. Under normal circumstances I am just fine with a good negotiation, but not lately. Tonight for instance:
Earlier in the day I had purchased some cheap MP3 players ($20 dollar ones from Staples) for our upcoming trip out west. I had told the girls that while tucking in that if they wanted to be able to have said MP3 players they needed to stay in bed and go straight to sleep. If they got out of bed and talked they would lose being able to have an MP3 player and I would return it. They would not have an opportunity to earn it back. (Harsh, but I was desperate to finally get them to bed at a reasonable hour so I felt like I had to take dramatic measures.)
Emma's response "Okay Mom I will go straight to sleep because I want the MP3 player!"
Sera's response "Well how will you know if I don't go to sleep?"
After some explaining for Sera I felt assured from both Sera and Emma that they were going to make the choice to go straight to bed, and that they understood the consequences(good and bad) I finished tucking them in, I came downstairs to take a breath and within 2 minutes I hear pitter pattering from above. I felt my blood start to boil. Mostly because I wanted them to have fun with these new little music gadgets.
So I stomp upstairs like a big fat angry bear and swing open the door to find Sera over at Emma's bed and her eyes bulging out of her head as if to say "How did she know?"
Emma tries to explain but I quickly cut her off and in a very loud tone express my disappointment in the situation. I am not sure if Sera's feet ever touched the ground as she got back to her bed in record time. The explanations start coming. Sera supposedly "had a scary dream"
Me:"Tell me how you can have a scary dream within 2 minutes?"
Sera:" Can I earn back the MP3 player?"
Me: "Um, NO!"
Sera: "Why?"
Me: "Are you kidding? What did you hear me say?"
Sera: "Can I earn it back Mom please? I really want the MP3 player!"
Me: "WHAT DID YOU HEAR ME SAY!"
Sera: "We can't earn it back" pathetically crying at this point "But I had a scary dream!"
Me: "Sera you knew what the consequences were for staying in your bed and going straight to sleep, and you knew what the consequence was going to be if you chose not to do that, you made your choice already, I am done with this conversation, I strongly suggest that you close those eyes of yours and go to sleep!" My tone was extremely unpleasant, and I am sure my eyes were bulging out a bit.
I left the room feeling completely frustrated. WHY? Why did she make such a stupid choice? Did she really want to see if I would know if she didn't go straight to sleep. I wanted her to have that stupid MP3 player. Some people learn from others mistakes and then there are others who learn from making their own mistakes.
I come downstairs and a few minutes later I hear sup sups coming from the stairs. "Oh please, are you kidding me?" I tell myself. She really is a glutton for punishment.
She turns the corner prepared with a speech that you would have thought she had been preparing for the last week. After several minutes of debate she comes up with an idea. She asks if she can buy her own MP3 player.
I told her she was more that welcome to buy her own MP3 player. She then asked what she could do around the home to earn enough money to buy one. I told her that I would talk with her Dad and we would let her know. She then starts to give me ideas of her own, like if she scrubbed the bathroom floor. I then said "What did you hear me say?"
Her response "That you and Dad would talk about it. But why can't you discuss it with me?"
I told her because she was not my husband and that this was something her Dad and I get to discuss together before we talked with her.
She seemed satisfied. I then told her again that it would be in her best interest if she went back upstairs and go straight to bed.
After Jared got home later this evening, I was able to discuss with him what went on and how overwhelming this behavior is for me. She is a very quick thinker, and she wants to know all the details of everything. The why's of the details.
It was nice to be able to get Jared's feedback and how we can better help encourage her to take responsibility for the choices she make. We also talked about how important it will be for us to reassure her that we will love her unconditionally whatever choice she makes. And that it will be especially important to explain "stuff",however exhausting it may be, for her so she can have that information. That is what seems to be important to her. Knowing details.
So as exhausting as this child may be for me it is worth it. And even though at the end of some days I may feel like Goldie Hawn on the movie overboard(the part where she is saying blub, blub, blub over and over), because of Sera, I know that she is the one who is teaching me to endure to the end and I am slowly but surely learning to endure cheerfully!
