What do you do when......

What do you do when you hope and pray that when you leave the home to go and run errands that a freak of nature comes along and, lets say, blows a couple of trees down in strategic places on your home (both bathrooms, laundry room and kitchen) and destroys them? DO you feel bad? I say nay, nay!

What do you do when all you can dream about is how to make said rooms look like they just came from a magazine, only to wake up and realize that it is nearly impossible to do so, and you wake up grumpy and take it out on everyone else?

What do you do when you don't know what to do with said grumpiness?

What do you do when you realize that life for everyone in this country is unstable and that your demands for a "Betters Homes and Garden" home is unrealistic? Do you stop having said dreams? I say nay,nay!

I am grumpy today, because I can not stop thinking about all the things that would make this home better.

It consumes my dreams.

Is there a program for "Home improvement anonymous?"

"Hi my name is Pam and my dreams of having a nice home became obsessive and I turned into a grumpy crazy person because no one(Jared) would give into my foolish ideas!"

My husband does have a point though! With the way the market is, at least here in Michigan, and with job security so jittery right now, everything is so unknown. I mean sure we could go ahead and do all of these things. But what would happen if he were to lose his job in 6 months and we would be left with extra payments that we wouldn't be able to pay? Why does he have to be right?!?!?

This may sound terrible, but I have tried to get my husband to write to Oprah (even though I do not watch her anymore) and tell her what a wonderful wife and mother I am! And then proceed to write about our woes with our home. This would be for one of those shows that she does when they come in and fix all the projects you have started on but have never finished them, because (A) You have run out of money or (B) You have no time left in the day to finish them.

He still hasn't written her. I am convinced that if he did they would come and rescue our home from the depths of despair, and restore it to a most glorious and beautiful state. It would be one of those shows where the designers and such come in and the commentary would go something like this "Oh honey, what were you trying to do! No one deserves to live in such dangerously ugly situations! You can not live like this for one more minute! It will be a lot of work, but the results will be absolutely breathtaking!"


I have a serious problem!

Does anyone have the number to Home Improvement anonymous?

"You are brave!"

Said the cashier to me the other day at the grocery store. I am not sure why strangers have a need to always use this term with me when they find out that all of the little people with me are all mine(which in my opinion is not that many) and that there are more that are not present and a soon coming attraction in June.

I am just wondering how many kids constitutes for no reply from strangers? 1 or 2?

And I am trying to figure out what is so brave about having children. Is it the fact that for a living I get to (here comes a long list in no particular order):

Be a psychiatrist (I get to listen to people whine to me all day about their woes, and then they think that I should solve them),

Be a teacher (with 1 vacation a year),

Be a referee (only when things get bloody),

Be a seamstress (only for buttons, curtains, and small rips in clothing),

Be a cook (not a cook to order one either. "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit!"),

Be a professional grocery shopper (because when you are brave enough to have kids you have to be),

Be an organizer (so that my life can be somewhat controlled),

Be a financial adviser ("I think investing your money in gum is not a wise decision!"

Be a sanitation specialist (Bum and nose wiper, clean throw up up, a dozen eggs clean up, and any thing else you can think of that is disgusting)

Be a cleaner (The kids are getting old enough now that they are doing more. Like cleaning the floor with their mouths)


Be a secretary (this includes constant reminders of responsibilities, and sorting through mail, and making sure everyone's needs are being met)

Be an entertainer (Finding the right games to play that are both educational but can keep attention spans of fly on task)

Be a doctor (This means telling them that everything is going to be fine, but if they want to keep on crying we could cut off the other appendage and then their original hurt would not hurt any more. Or just tell them they will certainly need an enema. I found these methods to stop any efforts for them to become a hypochondria)

Be a history consultant (telling stories of my childhood or of when they were little)

Be a cosmetologist (cutting hair and trimming nails and the occasional up-do)

Be a foreign language interpreter (explaining to others what was just said or trying to figure out myself what was just said)

Be a Special event coordinator (What family would be complete without one of these?)

Be a talent scout (here I am teaching Kady how to whistle)


These are just of few of the things we Mothers get to do for a living.

I think the next time a stranger tells me that I am brave I will simply say,
"I AM a Domestic Goddess!" and then demand that they bow in my presence :)

PLLUUUMMMMEERR"S CRRAACCCKK!!

I thought this picture I took of Lucy was so funny. I took it the other day not intending to use it at all but today find it appropriate since on Jared's to-do list he put to fix the toilet.

I would not have posted about this but he has had a few minor mishaps and wanted to give a shout out to all of those wonderful plumbers out there who do so much for the betterment of our lives.

Luckily this time we did not have to call one, but if expense were not an issue, I think we would hire a plumber to be at our beck and call just so we, I mean Jared, didn't have to work with such disgusting things.

All right enough with the run-on sentences. HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!

Happy Birthday!

I am sure that on occasion we all experience cognitive dissonance. Sometimes this is caused by outside influences and sometimes it is caused by undo pressures we put on how we think those situations should be or go.

I experienced such cognitive dissonance this past weekend. In preparations for my birthday celebrations I requested to my children that all I wanted for my birthday was for them to be obedient, and that this would be the ultimate gift.

I thought that this was a reasonable request since "MY" children are quite mature 6,5,2, and 1 year old. I mean I am not asking them to do this all the time just for a meager 12 hours or so.

Obviously this idea was set for disaster from the beginning.

First off my birthday was on Sunday. To put an image in your head, Emma went to church without brushing her hair and no tights on with shoes that were a little to big for her. I could have been embarrassed but she seemed to think that she looked just fine, so I put my pride aside and let her go looking like she just got out of bed. This should have been my first clue that my request was near impossible to meet.

Second off I was asking little people to do something that even us big people have a hard time doing. Setting myself up big time!

So what do I do? I acted like a child and threw a tantrum! That is right. I figured I had a right to. I also figured we will have enough in savings when they are older to pay for the therapy bills that would incur because of my manipulation that took place this day.

All this got me were a bunch of birthday cards, probably made out of guilt, that were made from the 2 older ones while I took a much needed nap.






After my nap I realized I had acted like a weirdo and apologized to everyone with whom I had tantrum ed to and made peace. I reset my expectations and enjoyed the rest of my birthday!

Come to find out there was a full moon this day. Can I just blame it on the full moon?

When I grow up.......

Saturday on the way to the library the girls were oooooing and awwwwing over a dog that was riding in a car next to us.

"Isn't it soooo cute Mom?"

Me: "No!

Girls:"How come you think that it is not cute?"

Me: "Because it means extra work I am not willing to commit to that!"

Girls: "What do you mean?"

Me: "Well when you have a pet you have to clean up it's poop and play with it and take it for walks and feed it, and I already have enough people that I get to do that for that the thought of having a pet is not appealing! When you grow up and have children you probably won't want pets either!"

Emma: "Well when I grow up, I'm going to live on a farm and I will make my husband do all the work!"

But walls don't have rules!

Last week was full of readjusting to each other. I also took the opportunity to implement the insight I received while I was on my vacation. This included that the girls needed to get their "lids" done before they came downstairs before breakfast.

Their lids are a concept I tweaked from another idea someone had that helps children supposedly learn how to be responsible. I took a 2x6 board and then had a friend paint them and put each child's name on them. I then collected lids from syrup bottles, diaper creams, ketchup, shampoos, and lotions. I then wrote the various responsibilities(make bed, brush teeth, get dressed, etc.) each child has both morning and night, and then screwed the lids on the 2x6's.

Before we left on our vacation the kids seemed to be very relaxed in their efforts to get their lids done with out much reminding, i.e What lids do you have left?

The kids really like playing computer games and so my new rule I started implementing last week was they were allowed to play computer games so long as I did not have to remind them in the morning about their lids. Sounds simple right? Wrong! Lets just say I believe that there was only one day that they were able to play computer games.

At bed time, one of the nights last week, Emma stated that she didn't like the new rules that were being enforced and thought that they were unfair.

I told her that she is more than welcome to feel this way but that one day she would thank me for helping her understand that having good time management skills and to to be responsible are essential skills to have in this life to be great at whatever you do.

I added that everything has rules even if they are not called rules.

She quickly replied, "But walls don't have rules!"

I said "how so?"

She told me that "nobody told walls what to do!"

I said "Well if you do not put a wall up the way the rules are then your wall will not be safe, so indeed walls do have rules!"

She seemed stumped, but added her last 2 cents worth to make sure I understood her dissatisfaction in my new plot to ruin her life.

"Well I still don't like our new rules!"

Here are some pictures from our bathroom demo that clearly demonstrates that walls have rules. Not that I need to convince any of you that they do.

Rule #1- It is not wise to put layers and layers of tacky wallpaper over each other. Consequence-Subsequent owners of such walls in the past found it necessary to just put another layer of drywall over such walls of tacky wallpaper




Rule #2- DO NOT stick another layer of drywall over existing original walls to cover tacky wallpaper as this will cause condensation between said walls and make walls unfit to have in a home with children or any other living creature.





Rule #3- DO Not stick up tacky wallpaper ever!

Silence: Part 4

My twiner and her hubby had to go back to reality, so I headed over to listen to Jared's final class. We then traveled to the Hoover Dam. It was so amazing!

Enjoy the pictures.


Reach for the stars


looking down from the top of the dam


looking out at the new bridge they are building


view on the other side of the dam


bridge


looking down at the energy things


Jared looking handsome



the lovely couple


view of the dam


view just outside of where the dam is.


On our way home we stopped at a Jamba Juice and got ourselves a yummy drink and then picked up a pizza to take back to the hotel. We ate pizza and watched a movie. We packed up and got ready for our early morning wake up.

At 3:30ish we woke up and I got in the shower to find that the shower did not want to warm up at all. I was so stinking (no pun intended) cold I was shaking. I got out to call the front desk to ask them if there was any special trick to getting the water to warm up this early in the morning. The very nice front desk lady said she could send up an engineer to check it out but we needed to leave within 20 minutes so we were stuck with a frigid wake up call. BRRRR!

We got the airport a little early. I thought a nice cinnamon roll sounded good for breakfast. Luckily there was a Cinnabon(r) near our terminal so we headed on over. I was quite disappointed. I looked at the rolls and they didn't look right to me so I asked the 2 nice ladies behind the counter if the rolls had risen long enough. They replied in a thick accent "No raisins in them!" I replied, " No, have these rolls had a long enough rising time?" Again the response " No raisins in them!"

So I tried to think of some other words that have to do with the bread making process. "Did you let the rolls rest long enough?" Their reply "What roll would you like?"

Well I gave up and decided I would choose the roll that looked the most fluffy. In my head though I am thinking that I know for a fact that Cinnabon(r) surely would not have changed the way they make their heavenly bliss.

I sat down and I saw that a couple at a near by table had some rolls, so I asked them how they tasted. They said that they didn't taste right, but just thought that they had changed their recipe or something.

I took a bite of the roll and realized that these were not made properly. Jared came back to the table and I told him to take it back to them and get the mini rolls since they looked a little puffier.

He took them back and the kind ladies said that is how they always looked. I assured my husband that when we got into Salt Lake I would show him what a true Cinnabon(r) cinnamon roll looked like. He was probably thinking "Hurry shove that food in your mouth so I don't have to hear you rant about these rolls anymore!"

I am glad that when we got to SLC that I saw what heavenly bliss is suppose to look like. I thanked the lady at this location profusely on her ability to know how to properly make their product. I guess I get a little kooky when I am running on small amounts of sleep.

It was nice to get a layover in Salt Lake so that we could attend Jared's Grandmothers funeral. Our vacation was an overall success and at the end of it all I was actually able to form proper sentences again. It only lasted for a few days once we got back but I wouldn't have traded it for anything.

Silence: Part 3

Jared was at the convention all day. He had a break that morning and met up with my twiner, her hubby and me for breakfast. I went back to the room and took a much needed nap.

Later that afternoon we watched a movie and then hung out and played dominoes in the hotel room until Jared called to let us know he was done. It was really nice to just do nothing and hang out with my twiner and her hubby.

Later that day we went to dinner at a Memphis style BBQ place and decided that "Memphis style" was not our style of BBQ.

We then went to the old Vegas strip called Fremont street. It is definitely more family friendly and I did not have to keep my eyes as focused forward as I had to at the new strip. In this picture it shows "Viva vision" the worlds largest electric sign! Over 4 1/2 football fields long over 500 speakers and over 12 1/2 million lights! This sign covered, well, over 4 1/2 football fields worth of street.



We watched some very circus style acts. Very very different atmosphere than the new strip.



Any, who, how. I had a great 3rd day of "silence!"

Silence: Part 2

On official full day of day 2 Jared got to teach his first course at the ASTD convention. This picture is of us before we went in to get our free ice cream treat. Jared got to teach his course 2 times that week. Both times he got rave reviews from those who attended his course.




Later that evening we went out to eat at PF Changs. It was so scrumptious. Here are some picture from our dinner.





In this picture I was retelling the story of the guy that sat behind us on the airplane who must have had a stuffed up nose because he kept on trying to clear it with this loud sucking in snorting noise. Everytime he would do this, which was frequent, I would crawl under my skin. Yuck!



After our lovely dinner we went out to see the much talked about M&M store. Frankly it was stupid to me and if you happen to be in Vegas, do not waste your time unless you want to buy overly priced items and see a bagillion M&M's.




Happy 2nd day of silence!

Silence: Part 1

My vacation was wonderful! We had a few hiccups, but we got through them triumphant!

I thought I would share a few stories from my vacation.

Jared and I were out to lunch the first day and I thought I would call the girls to let them know of some changes that were going to be taking place because my in-laws needed to get back to Utah to help out with funeral plans for Grandma Jolley (My Mother-in-laws Mother)

I was talking with Sera when Jared had said something to the waiter.
Sera replied with a, "Mom I don't know what you just said because Dad just said something and I couldn't hear you!"

So I proceeded to re-say what I had just said and she cut me off and said "Why is it so loud in the background?" I told her that we were at a restaurant.

She then said "Well can't you tell them to be silent?!?" I couldn't help but laugh as I told her that I couldn't just tell them to be silent.

Her comments were much needed because of the sadness that I had felt throughout the day of dealing with Grandmas death. Oh how humor is healing.

My twiner and her hubby drove up to spend the week with us. It was so much fun to spend time with them.
The first night we went to the Bellagio's massive buffet.

My twin sister asked them if there was a time limit of us being there and assured us that there wasn't.
Our waiter was very kind and willing to help meet our every beverage need and clearing of our spaces, that is, until we had been there an hour and a half.

He started coming less frequently and was less cheerful. We finally left after 3 hours of gorging ourselves. We thought we would get our $30 a persons money worth, and we did.

Here are just a few desserts we ate:


(photo by Flickr user msr.)

It was wonderful to get through a meal with out asking little people to "please sit in your chair properly" or to have to clean up the mess. It was equally refreshing to just be able to talk with no interruptions.
As we were getting up to leave we thought of maybe sitting back down just to be funny but they started cleaning stuff up to fast.


We then went to watch the water fountain show at the hotel which was amazing! Aside from the fact that both my twiner and I screamed as the fountains initially blasted into the air with really loud music we enjoyed the free show.




Our first day of "silence" from children was superb!